The Air Jordan 7 is the shoe that has nothing going for it. When you think about the 7, it doesn’t pop at you the way that an Air Jordan 1 or an Air Jordan 3 does and it certainly doesn’t have a defining characteristic like the patent leather of an Air Jordan 11. And yet, it was designed by Tinker Hatfield, was worn by Michael Jordan during what many would argue was the peak of both his physical and mental game and has received the retro treatment several times since its release to much success.  But when you try to list the things that it’s really good at as a shoe, you’re bound to either come up short or maybe even point out the things it’s not so great at.

It would be like the myriad of relationships all of the main characters of Seinfeld went through in their long run on TV in the ’90s.  Despite having dated a number of attractive people in their lives, Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer would rather focus and nitpick on the things that’s wrong about their significant others with laser-like precision and spend half an hour of our time talking about why it’s the worst thing ever that a girl eats green peas individually instead of scooping them up. And despite the mundane topics, a lot of smart people think Seinfeld is one of the great sitcoms ever despite having nothing of true value to say. To which they would reply…

Seinfeld - Shrug

In the end, this show and these kicks kind of deserve each other. So without further ado, here are the 23 Greatest Air Jordan 7s of all the times told through Seinfeld GIFs. If you think pairing up sneakers with sitcom GIFs is a great idea, you should what we did when we ranked the greatest Air Jordan 4s (Chappelle Show), 5s (Fresh Prince of Bel-Air) and 6s (Martin) of all-time.

Honorable Mention (Or Is It?): Air Jordan 7 “Barcelona Nights”

Nike
Nike

Can somebody from Barcelona confirm what these colors have to do with the area? Because they sure as hell have nothing to do with Marvin The Martian. Who could possibly have been responsible for this mess of a nickname? Wait a minute…

Seinfeld - Newman

Newman…

23Air Jordan 7 “Orion Blue”

Jordan

Hey look, a retro that people hate more than the “Pro Stars” 5. Between the complaints about the shoe’s quality and the uninspiring color blocking, it’s one of the few few retros in recent memory that actually made it to Nike outlets. It’s so reviled, people do this when they see it…

Seinfeld - Outta Here Jerry

22Air Jordan 7 “Barcelona Days”

Nike

Well, we can’t blame Newman for this one. Perhaps someone more sophisticated and has traveled the world looking for weird exotic s**t can help us discover the secret behind this sneaker’s nickname…

Seinfeld - J Peterman

Ok, maybe not. Does the J. Peterman catalog have an app?

21Air Jordan 7 “Citrus”

Shoemanati

It almost feels like a blacked-out knockoff of the OG “Cardinal” colorway that gets more wrong than right. Kind of pathetic, really.

Seinfeld - Piven

20Air Jordan 7 N7

Nike

Possibly underrated at the moment because of all the other Jordan 7s that have dropped this year. It’ll probably be ranked higher when we do this list over in a few years. Speaking of underrated, how nobody never talks about the time George got a wig is beyond me.

Seinfeld - George Wig

19Air Jordan 7 J2K “Filbert”

Jordan

I happen to like both J2K models, but I can understand if you made this face when you first saw it…

Seinfeld - Shocked Jerry

18Air Jordan 7 J2K “Obsidian”

Jordan

Again, I get it, the J2Ks are not for everybody. Just don’t expect me to be happy about it.

Seinfeld - George Shock

17Air Jordan 7 “Golden Moments”

Nike

Sneakerheads lined up for days to cop these and the Air Jordan 6 that was part of the Golden Moments Pack. There were complaints aplenty about the quality of both kicks. Of course, most of the people who bought these wouldn’t know because they resold them thinking they were well, gold. Kind of annoying like, Bania…

Seinfeld - Bania

16Air Jordan 7 Women’s “Maize”

Flight Club

Well, it’s better than some of the abominations that Jordan Brand has been dropping in GS sizes for the 7s over the years, but it also reminds me of the 10,000 blog posts on the internet begging for these to come back in Men’s sizes. You know, because we haven’t had it good over when it comes to 10,000 other kicks that drop only in Men’s sizes. What, you want women’s hands too?

Seinfeld - Man Hands

15Air Jordan 7 “French Blue”

Nike

If you try hard enough, you can still find a mom and pop shop (or a House of Hoops) that still has a pair or more of the first remastered Air Jordan. One would think that title alone would be enough to guarantee a sellout, but that did not turn out to be the case. When a proper Air Jordan that Michael Jordan actually wore on the court isn’t a cause for a celebration or at least an overnight camp out for sneakerheads, you know things are changing. This must have been reaction at Michael Jordan HQ when they heard a retro doesn’t sell out…

Seinfeld - Crying

14Air Jordan 7 OC “Miro”

Hypebeast

Geez, the Air Jordan 7 really doesn’t have that many good colorways, does it? At least I know a guy who has a jacket that could match it.

Seinfeld - Puddy Jacket

13Air Jordan 7 DMP “60+ Magic”

Nike

When Michael Jordan does amazing things, they make shoes about it. And guess what happens when those kicks are part of a pack that drives up the price even more? You start frantically looking for your…

Seinfeld - Morty

Had to go with Morty since the shoe is a tribute to Orlando, which is surely a few minutes away from Del Boca Vista.

12Air Jordan 7 “Cardinal”

Nike

Another uninspiring colorway of the Air Jordan 7 and it’s an OG no less. Only reason it makes it this high is because MJ and Seinfeld both wore the shoe. That counts for something, I guess…

Complex
Complex

11Air Jordan 7 “Chambray”

Flight Club

What was once an unassuming Air Jordan 7 colorway when it dropped nearly ten years ago is now one of the harder to find pairs ever because it was just so under the radar. But is it well-received now because it’s a tough cop or is it because people actually want them? Possibly slightly overrated like the Soup Nazi.

Seinfeld - Soup Nazi

10Air Jordan 7 “Pacific Blue”

Jordans Daily

When your nickname is coincidentally the title of a very cheesy late ’90s USA show about the Santa Monica Police Department and the bicycles they ride in, you know this is a cult classic. Another relatively hard to find retro, Denver Nuggets fans (or New York Knicks fans if those still exist) would love to see this retro as long as they don’t have to think of ‘Melo. Kind of like how Seinfeld doesn’t like to think of her anti-dentite girlfriend…

Seinfeld - Dentite

9Air Jordan 7 “Champagne”

Nike

Wait, these are still sitting in stores? But these might be one of the best colorways of any Jordan to drop in sometime and it doesn’t have that cheap plastic look of the “Champagne” Air Jordan 6. Surely, it couldn’t have anything to do with the $250 price tag, could it? Seems like only somebody that makes Seinfeld money could afford such a thing.

Seinfeld - Money

8Air Jordan 7 “Flint”

Flight Club

Now we’re getting into the good stuff. The Air Jordan 7 “Flint” might look plain and drab at first, but then the color blocking of the white and flint grey is really unlike a lot of other kicks out there that might use a similar scheme. It truly earns the “Flint” name that is usually associate with the (ugh…) Air Jordan 13. The purple hits give guys like Boogie Cousins and Nick Young an excuse to rock them on certain nights in the NBA. A reissue of these would be met with this totally not sarcastic response…

Seinfeld - Hellooooo

7Air Jordan 7 “Year Of The Rabbit”

Nike

Oh, rabbit, not “rabbi”. Because that makes more sense in Seinfeld continuity. Not that Elaine isn’t freaking out or anything like that…

Seinfeld - Rabbi

6Air Jordan 7 “Cigar”

Nike

Of course we had to go with the GIF below. They look like they just won their second ring. In this analogy, Elaine is MJ and Seinfeld is Scottie though…

Seinfeld - Cigars

5Air Jordan 7 “Charcoal”

Nike

The kicks MJ actually wore en route to his second championship kicks off the top five. Because of the hints of purple is kind of what prevents it from being a true “black and red” Air Jordan 7, but then again so does the “Charcoal” depending on which version of the shoe you have. It’s all so confusing sometimes…

Seinfeld - Burn

4Air Jordan 7 Premio BIN23

Nike

Nevermind, this is where that Puddy jacket GIF should go…

Seinfeld - Puddy Jacket

3Air Jordan 7 “Hare”

Nike

While the Air Jordan 7 might not at the top of most people’s lists when it comes to Js that Michael actually wore during his prime, our pick for the top 3 colorways can stand up to any other model’s top 3, if not for style, but for historical context. The real “Hare” Jordan was featured on the feet of Bugs Bunny during a Nike Super Bowl commercial with MJ and in that moment, more people in America probably saw a pair of Air Jordans than at any other time in the history of the brand. It was a real moment and yeah, it was very spectacular… Seinfeld - Spectacular

2Air Jordan 7 “Bordeaux”

Nike

From wonder to joy: the look on the face of sneakerheads when they thought they had zero chance at the Air Jordan 7 “Bordeaux” on Saturday morning to finding out they could still cop later that night.

Seinfeld - Shocked

1Air Jordan 7 “Olympic”

Nike

The one and only Dream Team was a seminal moment in not just sports history, but simply history. Never before had such a renowned collection of talent gathered for one specific purpose (beat the holy hell out of the rest of the world and show them how basketball should be played) and attracted a crowd that transcended race, religion, age or whatever label you want to put. It inspired a generation of kids around the world to pick up a basketball and aspire to have hoop dreams. And at the center of all that attention was MJ and these were the kicks he wore. Yeah, safe to say these kicks and the moment they represent was everything the Seinfeld finale wasn’t.

Seinfeld - Finale